I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
