We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
