I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
