Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made him laugh his dick is mine
True strength comes from lack of pants
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
