Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
