I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
