When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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