I hope mine doesn't look like that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
