I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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