What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
where are my eyebrows?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
