how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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