I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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