Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
