There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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