watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
