i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
