Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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