at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
