i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.