I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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