Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.