Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.