Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
