my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
