I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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