we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
