I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
