I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
