I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
