you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
pray to the hookup gods
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
