Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
