it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
