Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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