She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We are two peas in an std pod
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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