So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
