Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
