My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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