maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
