I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
