dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
