4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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