I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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