How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
