why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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