he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Randomize
