I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh god it's open bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
