you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
foreskin is a definite game changer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
