I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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