The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
