Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
