my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
