I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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