That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
