The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
