wrigley field is MILF paradise
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
