Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
