God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
