Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
