my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
