every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
