You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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