honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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