she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
