Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
