I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
