the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
