R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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