As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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