SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
