hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
